


Dictating while...

by EffingOwls



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Quick-Quotes Quill (Harry Potter), Top Neville Longbottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffingOwls/pseuds/EffingOwls
Summary: Jimmy is dictating an essay to his quill and it picks up everything he says, including the stuff he says to his horny boyfriend, who decides to see if Jimmy can multitask.
Relationships: Jimmy Peakes/Neville Longbottom





	Dictating while...

Ok — testing. Good. The Properties of Pixie Dust and its Uses in — Neville, what are you doing?

…

Well not right now! Ugh, look what you made me do. Now I’ll have to write it all out again.

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It’s not my fault I have dyslexia.

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Or that my Quick-Quotes Quill doesn’t have an on-off switch.

…

Fine. Sit there and hush. I’ve got to finish this by — anyway. The Properties of Pixie Dust and its Uses in Potion Making. Hmm. The main property — no, scratch that. No, I mean scratch that out. Ugh! This is such a cheap quill!

…

Yeah, ma will be really understanding. She probably did it on purpose so I’d have to dictate a perfect essay. Joke’s on her; I’ll just get you to copy out the good parts.

…

Yes, you will! Ok, I’m dictating, shh. The _chief_ property of pixie dust, as it is used in potion making, is flight. According to _Magical Drafts and Potions_ — pass me the book, will you? Thanks — pixie dust has levitating qualities similar to those found in phoenix feathers, broom twigs, and cinnamon, and these qualities can be extracted by the simple method of boiling the dust in water. Once extracted, the now-viable dust can be used in a variety of potions to achieve various types of flight, most notably as a salve to assist the accuracy of broom flight. The method of — will you put that thing away? Honestly, I should never have listened to Professor Sprout … Well she was the one who told me you were getting your degree here, and I followed you, like an idiot.

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No, I hadn’t seen you naked yet. I followed you for your brains.

…

Yeah, you can say that when you’re a doctor of herbology, but not yet. Put the plant away. Anyway. The method of — well, you can just copy that out from the book, can’t you? Right, so skipping on. Pixie dust also makes unassisted flight possible through three potions: the leviaquam draught, the rising draught, and the Mordred Maximus potion. All three follow the initial step of boiling the dust in water, though the MM potion requires that the water be snowmelt, as the use of other water can cause side effects such as hair color change, shorter periods of flights, and … yes, I was going to say ‘erections’ as a more scientific term? This last side effect nods to another common property of Pixie Dust, which is—

…

You _know_ I can’t write that. Increased libido.

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No, I don’t have any Pixie Dust!

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And of course I’m not going to get you some; that stuff’s valuable. Shush. This can come as a side effect to any flight potion, if incorrectly brewed—

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No. What? Quidditch players aren’t hornier than—

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No I was not! Besides, I only played for a year at Hogwarts.

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You’re not going to get horny from touching a broomstick.

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You’re not funny. And I may be small, but I was a beater so I can remove you from the room if you don’t shut up. Merlin, this essay’s going to make for interesting reading. When the dust is over-boiled, for inst—What are you doing?

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It’s not. It’s below freezing. When the dust is over-boiled, I. Um.

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You’re just, uh, poking out a little.

…

Maybe you should get some longer boxers. Anyway. What was I — right. When the dust is over-boiled—Do you mind? When the dust is over-boiled, when the dust. Um. Right. When the dust is over-boiled—Are—are you seriously masturbating right now?

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Oh, I’m sorry. Has the meaning changed since I last checked? I thought stroking your dick fell under that umbrella.

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You’re not fucking adjusting. That’s rhythmic.

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Don’t even think of composing music with that.

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Thank you. When the dust is _fucking_ over-boiled, for instance, the resulting potion may cause anything from increased desire to increased bodily—

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FINE. But go do it in the bathroom. I have to finish this.

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I’m not—what do you mean I’m—hey! Nev!

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Alright, I’m hard. I’m writing about increased libido while you sit next to me in your underwear touching yourself. Sue me!

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No, Nev, not now. I’ve got to finish dictating—

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What do you mean you don’t need my mouth—oh. Oh no. Neville. This is due in an hour and I still need you to copy—mmff. Ok, kissing uses my mouth.

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You think I can concentrate while you—

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No, the flattery’s nice. You’d have to be quiet then; I can’t write when someone else is talking.

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If I say yes, you promise you’ll copy it out when I’m done? Merlin’s pants, I cannot believe I’m agreeing to this. Oh, Merlin. Here. It’ll go faster if I do it. Ooh, cold. Ok. Uhnn. There. Uhhnnn.

…

Yeah, I think so. Ok. Increased bodily reaction to stimulus. The—ahh—antidote is identical to the MM potion with an added—ow! Be gentle—sprig of rosemary and two pinches of cinnamon.

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 _Fffffuck_. Yeah, go slow. Uh, if no rosemary is available, thyme or another aromatic herb with a similar leaf pattern may be substituted. Use care with larger leaves such as sage as these may prove more volatile.

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What, you don’t think that’s a good sentence? Oh shit. No, it’s the book — I nudged it with my foot. Now it’s reading aloud again. Just shut it if you can twist without—ah!—pulling out.

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Jackass.

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Fuck, I don’t even remember what else I was supposed to write about.

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Yeah, no. Other antidotes include your boyfriend bragging about his dick size while he’s inside you, your boyfriend talking while you’re trying to write an essay and, let’s see, your boyfriend talking.

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No, you’re forgiven. Keep going — you’ve—ah—still got to copy this out when—ah! Uhn. Uhn. Yeah, like that. So, mixing—fuck—pixie dust—uhn—with flavored waters—uhn—ah—ah—ah—Merlin, you’ve got stamina—such as tea or fruit water—fuh—uck—will yield similar results—hn—to stand—ard—wa—ter—b—but—ah! Fuck—fuck—yes—just—ah…

…

Satisfied?

...

 _I_ was loud? Can you not hear yourself?

...

My ears are ringing.

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No, it's not comfortable. And speaking of, will you clear my ass out? I've got half a pint of your swimmers back there.

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Oh, you're such a gentleman. No, not yet.

...

Very close.

…

Ahhh, go on, then. This is gonna be late anyway. At least it’ll shut you up.


End file.
